What's going down?
So we start as Blaine sings "Misery" by Maroon 5 down the corridors of Dalton. Everyone at the
school loves the performance; as Blaine comments, "Hey, Regionals, I think you've just met our
opening number." Kurt, however, finally points out the fact that Warblers have pretty much become
the Blaine show, saying that sometimes he feels like "Blaine and The Pips".
Rachel has decided to give the songwriting another go. After the failure of "My Headband", she
offers us "Only Child"; yes, a song about how she is "the only berry on [her] family tree". Finn is once again unimpressed and tells her that she's "just playing scared", she needs to stop just dealing with the easy pain. Cut to scary voiceover from Quinn, watching in on their rehearsal. Suddenly she is once again obsessed with being "on top" and wants her and Finn to become prom king and queen: "Prom queens live, on average, five years longer than normal people; it's probably because they smile a lot." She feels that the only thing stopping this plan is Rachel and so decides to follow that age-old principle of "keep your friends close but your enemies closer".
Terror strikes at Dalton when Kurt's canary Pavarotti dies, Kurt suspects it's of a stroke. And so, in
homage, he sings "Blackbird" by The Beatles. As well as being a moving performance it also turns out to be the turning point in his and Blaine's relationship. Blaine admits that whilst watching him sing, he suddenly realised that Kurt was the person he'd been "waiting for all his life"; the two then share a rather romantic kiss. Finally, screams the nation. At the council meeting he suggests that they break the mould and sing a duet at Regionals, picking, you guessed it, Kurt as his performance partner. After some gentle persuasion the rest of The Warblers agree.
There's further bad news at McKinley; they've been banned from performing "SING" by My
Chemical Romance by the band themselves. Turns out Sue happened to sleep with the drummer
during the summer of '96 and has specifically requested the injunction herself, "the opening salvo
of World War Sue". Quinn takes this as the perfect opportunity to put her new plan into action and
backs Rachel's idea to do original songs all the way. After some persuasion the club are set on the
idea and decide that they're all going to have a go at writing their own material. "I think we're doing original songs at Regionals," declares Schue.
Tensions are still high between Santana and Brittany, after Brittany blew her off to be with "Stubbles McCripple Pants". Santana says she didn't know what she was thinking when she confessed her feelings for Brittany and is now going to write "an awesome heterosexual song about Sam". Just then Sue interrupts and says she plans to continue her revenge telling them she "likes to play dirty". When the pair open their lockers they are covered in a mound of dirt; "I don't even remember putting that there," says Brittany.
Santana is ready to perform her "awesome heterosexual song" for Sam, entitled "Trouty Mouth"
about those abnormally large lips of his. Whilst the concept and title may be amazing, it just leaves
the poor boy feeling offended and insecure. Puck also offers a song called "Big Ass Heart" written in
dedication to Lauren. I actually quite liked this number. Puck and a guitar, what more could you ask
for?
Quinn tries to convince Finn to make their relationship public after they win Regionals. He isn't quite so keen and asks her to wait until after Nationals, considering how fragile Rachel is at the moment. "Do you want to be in this relationship or not?" Quinn asks him point-blank. "Whoa, scary, Quinn," he replies. "OK, after Regionals." Looks like she's got her own way.
Next up to perform their original song is Mercedes, who sings one called "Hell To The No" featuring
herself being the diva we all know and love. Schue isn't completely convinced, though: "I'm just not sure it's Regionals material." He suggests that they need to write a song that comes from a place of pain, i.e. them being total losers within the school and the bullying that Sue submits them to. "Guys, I think you may have just found your song."
Over in the auditorium Quinn and Rachel are writing together. Rachel, after seeing Quinn and Finn
in the hallway, asks her outright if the two are a couple again. In one of the most touching scenes
this season, she replies that yes, the two are together. Rachel, heartbroken is in tears, with Quinn
too in tears as she describes her happy ever after with Finn, clearly trying to convince herself as well. She tells Rachel that, unlike herself, she doesn't belong here and she can't hate her "for helping to send her on her way". "I'm not giving up on Finn," she replies. Quinn gets angry and tells her that the reason why she can't write a good song is because she lives in a schoolgirl fantasy world. With that, Rachel decides that she's going to write the song on her own.
